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Building Meaningful Friendships with ADHD: Strategies for Success


Friends celebrating at mountain peak

Friendships are vital for our well-being, fostering a sense of belonging and even promoting longevity, as numerous studies have shown. However, forging meaningful connections becomes a unique challenge in adulthood, particularly for individuals grappling with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Many with ADHD battle social anxiety rooted in childhood experiences, where impulsivity and difficulty with social cues often led to negative outcomes. Additionally, the specter of rejection-sensitive dysphoria can loom large, deterring some from venturing into social settings and forming new relationships. Furthermore, the daily struggles characteristic of ADHD, such as forgetfulness, lateness, and difficulty in active listening, often contribute to feelings of shame and a sense of inadequacy in social interactions.


In the first installment of this series on ADHD and relationships, we explore strategies to empower individuals with ADHD to initiate new connections and cultivate emerging friendships.


1. Proximity and Shared Experience: Research underscores the significance of shared experiences in proximity as foundational to friendships. During our formative years, we naturally gravitated towards friendships through shared activities like classes, lunches, or club meetings. However, in adulthood, opportunities for such organic interactions diminish outside the confines of the workplace.


For individuals with ADHD, even when opportunities for shared experiences arise, challenges with follow-through may emerge due to a lack of engagement or perceived complexity. Tailoring activities to align with interests and ensuring active participation can bridge this gap. Examples include:

  • Taking cooking or baking classes at a local community center.

  • Volunteering at a community kitchen to prepare food on a regular basis.

  • Joining a weekly board gaming group or hosting recurring game nights.

  • Participating in hiking groups or undertaking outdoor activities like kayaking or canoeing.


Each of these activities not only fosters shared interests but also provides repeated opportunities for interaction within a comfortable setting.


2. Reframing Expectations: Individuals with ADHD often fall into the trap of adopting an all-or-nothing approach to forming friendships, setting unrealistic expectations that can lead to disappointment and anxiety. Instead, embracing small, attainable objectives can pave the way for incremental progress. For instance:

  • Setting goals to introduce oneself to a couple of new people in a social setting.

  • Offering to assist event organizers, thereby facilitating engagement and building rapport.

  • Approaching each social encounter as an opportunity for practice rather than expecting immediate success.


By reframing expectations and focusing on achievable goals, individuals can navigate social situations with greater ease and confidence.


3. Practicing Positive Self-Talk: Finally, cultivating a mindset of self-compassion and positivity is paramount in the journey towards building friendships. Encouraging oneself with affirmations and acknowledging efforts, even in the face of perceived setbacks, can bolster self-esteem and resilience. For example:

  • Acknowledging the courage it takes to attend social gatherings.

  • Recognizing learning opportunities in moments of perceived missteps.

  • Embracing the inherent value of each interaction, regardless of the outcome.

  • By practicing positive self-talk, individuals can cultivate a supportive internal dialogue that nurtures growth and fosters meaningful connections.

In conclusion, while making friendships as an adult with ADHD may present unique challenges, implementing these strategies can render the process more enjoyable and fulfilling. Individuals with ADHD possess unique qualities that enrich friendships, such as loyalty, spontaneity and energy. By embracing these strengths and employing tailored approaches, individuals can embark on a journey of connection and camaraderie.

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