Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where body negative talk takes center stage? You might hear phrases like, "Oh, I wish I could eat that…but I’m being good today," or "Those pants look amazing on you! I could never wear those–they wouldn’t look good on me." Such comments can create discomfort or awkwardness, especially depending on your relationship with the person. Often, these exchanges occur among women or those who identify as femme. We've been conditioned to believe that discussing food restriction, negative body image, or adhering to diet culture invites reciprocity or reassurance. Here's why:
Feeling anxious: The person engaging in body negative talk might feel anxious or uncertain about how to navigate social interactions. Diet culture is so ingrained in society that slipping into these social scripts is almost automatic.
Seeking praise: They may be seeking praise for their self-discipline, food restrictions, or conformity to diet culture norms.
Seeking control: In some cases, individuals may be attempting to assert control in the social interaction. Their tone might come off as passive-aggressive, or they might insinuate that you should reflect on your own body image. It's important to recognize that their behavior is not about you; they're grappling with their own struggles with oppressive body image.
So, how can you respond? Navigating these situations can be challenging, depending on the context and your familiarity with the person. Remember, you're not obligated to engage or respond unkindly. If you choose to respond, consider experimenting with the following options, adapting them to align with your values:
Use humor: Lighten the mood with a playful remark to defuse tension. For instance, "Let’s be rebellious and eat whatever we want today!" or "I'll eat for the both of us, don't worry."
Be assertive: Set boundaries and communicate your discomfort clearly. You might say, "Discussing food and weight in that manner makes me uncomfortable. Please refrain from doing so around me."
Show genuine concern: If appropriate, express genuine interest in their feelings. You could say, "I didn’t realize you felt that way about your body. Would you like to talk about it?"
Express curiosity: Sometimes, asking open-ended questions can help unpack their statements. For example, "What do you mean by that?" or "What makes you say that?"
Redirect the conversation: Shift the focus away from body negativity by engaging in a different topic. For instance, "Speaking of food, that cookie looks delicious. Do you enjoy baking?"
If disengagement is the best course of action, calmly and politely refrain from acknowledging the body negative language. If possible, remove yourself from the situation. Planning ahead for specific social events or gatherings where you anticipate encountering body negative talk can be beneficial. If you know someone is likely to make comments about your body, consider role-playing or practicing your responses beforehand. Remember to stay true to your values and be prepared to navigate these conversations with empathy and confidence.